Have you ever been here? You’re at the pub, or nightclub in
Sydney. Not really looking, not really after anything… you see a fine
looking fellow across the crowed bar. Eyes lock, the glance lingers a bit
longer than it really should. There’s a cheeky smile. Then playing it
cool, chatting to your mates. Checking occasionally: is he still looking?
Yes. The game’s afoot, the hunt is on. The night wears on, and the seduction
continues. And then you go home separately alone, having never spoken. What is
it about Sydney men that makes them unable or unwilling to commit to a
“Hi, how are you going”?
This doesn't seem to happen in Melbourne. Tourists are
unaffected. It seems to be only the Sydney boys. Worse, when you turn on
Grindr or Scruff or Growlr the next morning there’s a message there from a
really quite handsome guy, who says “I saw you at the pub last night. I was
standing right near you. You looked really hot”. And? And? And you didn't come over and say hi. Now I've seen me in the mirror – I’m just not that
intimidating. Sure my ‘default face’ might be edging on the slightly cranky,
but I was chatting to friends and I’d had a few beers so hardly
unapproachable. Or so I thought. “Oh, you seemed to be busy/deep in conversation/didn't want
to intrude”. Intrude already! Is it that hard? Why is it that Sydney men
are developing an inability to communicate without a smart phone intermediary?
Have we lost all social skills? Is it so hard to say “hi”?
At a Chunky dance party recently, a mate of mine who by
universal assessments is very handsome, like REALLY handsome, pointed out
a very attractive guy sitting nearby. “Why don’t you go up and say hi?”, I
asked. “Oh, I couldn't do that”, was the response. I decided I would rise to
this challenge. So I did the the unthinkable. The most daring, the
scariest, the most un-sydneygayish thing I could imagine. I went over to
the guy and said… wait for it... “Hi". And I added, "Are you having a good night?”. We got to
talking. He was really charming. And it turned out we had two mutual
friends and some other things in common. I went back to my mate and gave
him the heads-up. Mission accomplished. It’s fun pimping out your friends. But
its even more fun meeting people, finding out what you have in common and
sharing some stories.
I saw him again at the Oxford the other week, and we had a
good long chat. Achievement unlocked: talk to people, make friends, connect.
You could do it too. And you don’t need your phone.
